I feel ghostly unreal until I become somebody else again on the screen.

You have to live before you die, or you'll die before you live.

There is no me. I do not exist. There used to be a me but I had it surgically removed.

If I can't really find a way to live with myself, I can't expect anyone else to live with me.

Some forms of reality are so horrible we refuse to face them, unless we are trapped into it by comedy. To label any subject unsuitable for comedy is to admit defeat.

It won't be easy, that is why I have always failed where others have succeeded.

I am here to fix the problem with yer pheaun.

Conversation like television set on honeymoon... unnecessary.

To label any subject unsuitable for comedy is to admit defeat.

Finally, in conclusion, let me say just this.

I'm a classic example of all humorists - only funny when I'm working.

What was it about not knowing a person that allowed you to wonder whether she might be the answer to all your problems?

Charity is one of those remarkable words that helps to identify the fault lines of a culture.

I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.

I won't cry for you, my mascara's too expensive

Conversation: A fair for the display of the minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too intent upon the arrangement of his own wares to observe those of his neighbor.

There are things I could say. But I don't.

What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful.

Nature is more like a seesaw than a crystal, a never-ending conga line of bold moves and corrections.

So many plays with magic in them that would be a terrific invitation to an imaginative animation team.

Making music is a total hassle, really.