I feel now it's useless to keep hoping. The way things are today, we live in a world that needs laughter, and I've decided if I can make people laugh, I'm making a more important contribution.

I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.

Peter Marshall: A western saddle has a curved horn on the front to hold something for the cowboy. What is it?

Sandwiches are wonderful. You don't need a spoon or a plate!

My father was adamant in his disapproval of my interest in show business.

A closet full of wire hangers can be the most dangerous place in the world.

Food was a constant topic of conversation in our household.

I don't know who the hell Paul Lynde is, or why he's funny, and I prefer it to be a mystery to me.

I'm Liberace without a piano.

I often go on a liquid fast a couple of days a week. I never take just water. Instead, I'll have maybe six glasses of vegetable and fruit juices a day.

I can't even get three weeks off to have cosmetic surgery.

Fire and earth are the most sacred of the natural elements. One must cross their path with caution and respect.

Even now we can draw back. But once we cross that little bridge we must settle things by the sword.

It seems to me that television is exactly like a gun. Your enjoyment of it is determined by which end of it you're on.

I hate shopping. I don't go shopping. If I do, I run in and out.

Words are a form of personal expression. They differentiate us as well as fingerprints do. They reflect what kind of person we are.

A girl doesn't always want to go out, you know, Mr. Wind-Up Bird. Sometimes she feels like being nasty--like, if the guy's gonna wait, let him really wait.

What are friends for? They are the ultimate reflection of yourself. Always surround yourself with people who inspire you and return the favor by giving them the best of you.

Writing is a workout, just like going for a run!

The big problem for a democratic government - democrat with a small "d" - is how to hold down government spending.