I figure you're only here for a matter of moments. Ever since I was a kid watching movies I've always wanted to make people laugh or have some sort of emotional reaction.

I spend a lot of time thinking of the Hereafter - each time I enter a room I wonder what I'm here after.

At first I wanted to be a jockey. I rode horses in Cleveland but I kept falling off and I was afraid of horses. So there wasn't much of a future in it.

I resent my barber when he charges the full cost after he cuts my hair, but he says he's charging me for finding it.

My career is pretty much over. I'm out in the Valley eating soft-boiled eggs.

Phyllis Diller came through a mine field of male comedians when she arrived on the comedy scene and she defused them all. She won her place in the Hall of Comedy as the First Lady. I will miss her.

I've never really taken anything very seriously. I enjoy life because I enjoy making other people enjoy it.

I like to work a lot with wood. I make furniture that falls apart. I also sew.

You can't TV surf without coming across an Andy of Mayberry episode where you've just got to watch Don as Barney. And that's why I put Don in several of my movies.

Fortunately my wife is understanding. When I come home from the races she never asks any questions, if I tell her I just ate a $380 hot dog.

The reason 'The Carol Burnett Show' did so well in the ratings is because people were looking for that comfort zone when the whole family sat around and watched television and enjoyed it.

People with ambition don't give a damn what other people think of them.

We can have democracy in this country or we can have great wealth concentrated in the hands of a few but we can't have both.

Never any knowledge was delivered in the same order it was invented.

It was fun; you know, at this point in my life it's like, I want to do stuff that's meaningful.

Give me twenty-six soldiers of lead and I will conquer the world.

Even small cults are a serious cost on the world economy, to victims, their families, employers, friends, and credit-card companies.

I think that with some education there are real possibilities at the high school and college level, but more so at the college level, to bring people into cycling.

It's much easier for me to make major life, multi-million dollar decisions, than it is to decide on a carpet for my front porch. That's the truth.

I consider myself a feminist. My whole life has been about standing up for women, for anybody really, who's been abused.

Respect for sovereignty means to not allow unconstitutional action and coup d'états, the removal of legitimate power.