I finally got around to reading the dictionary. Turns out the Zebra did it.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that doesn't mean she can't have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones

Beauty is achieved through perfection of body and mind.

When we're not following God's will, our sacrifices aren't acceptable to Him. What God wants most is for us to be broken before Him, walk with Him, know Him, and obey Him.

Maybe crazy is just the word we use for feelings that will not be contained.

I have no axe to grind; only my thoughts to burnish.

No state legislature ever built a great university.

Every vivid memory holds some essential truth about your vision of the world

You can raise the bar or you can wait for others to raise it, but it's getting raised regardless.

There's always going to be dreams and goals I have, but I never really tell people what they are

My own mother died when I was 10 years old. My folks have told me that what little humor I have comes from her. I can't remember her humor, but I can remember her love and understanding of me.