I find anger so comforting. It's like a blanket made of unresolved issues, but it's a blanket none the less.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

You’ll never be able to find yourself if you’re lost in someone else.

Fine blunderers in ethics we are, so generally conveying to children the basic impression that pleasantness must be wrong, and right doing unpleasant!

But particularly when the media profess to strive toward objectivity, gatekeepers play a crucial role in helping people navigate the news to make educated political decisions.

The ONLY thing that seems to band all nations together, is that their governments are universally bad.

Nine times out of ten, in the arts as in life, there is actually no truth to be discovered; there is only error to be exposed.

Obedience leads to true freedom. The more we obey revealed truth, the more we become liberated.

We wouldn't pay to rent and watch the same painful movie two hundred fifty times, but somehow we let our mind replay a bad memory over and over, each time experiencing the same distress and shame.

If and perhaps.... The language of procrastination and uncertainty. That's just people looking to justify their own lack of action.

What teenagers are ready to laugh at is the misery of other people.

If somebody pisses me off and I understand it ain't personal then I'll go to another place and I'll meditate.