I find it very annoying when people want to sit next to each other at a booth.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

Well, then, why should I listen to my heart?""Because you will never again be able to keep it quiet.

I think she's brave. I think that nobody has ever believed what she could be capable of. All her life, nobody was listening.

Any man who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.

I enjoy talking about politics a great deal.

Spread good energy. Pay it forward!

the less you had, the more careful you had to be about everything you did have.

Conduct yourself towards your parents as you would have your children conduct themselves towards you.

The moment you speak something out, you give birth to it. This is a spiritual principle, and it works whether what you are saying is good or bad, positive or negative.

Empowerment is all about letting go so that others can get going.

You get from the world what you give to the world.