I find my fans are really funny people. Most comedians can't say that about their fans.

I used to think I was a little unstable, and then I met every girl I've ever dated.

Saturday night is perfect for writers because other people have "plans.

What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.

The key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial.

Falling in love is a completely transcendent experience. It's like eating pizza-flavored ice cream

Dopamine is a chemical released in your brain and your body when you sleep that paralyzes your body so you don't act out your dreams.

The one thing you're most reluctant to tell. That's where the comedy is.

I love pizza so much, I would marry pizza, but it would just be an elaborate ploy to eat her whole family at the reception.

Creepy people do the things that decent people want to do, but have decided are not a great idea.

It was a hard name having growing up as a child. Some kids would call me names like "Birbiglebug" and "Birbibliography" and "Faggot". Some were more clever than others.

Reality is a challenge.

Joy is the realest reality, the fullest life, and joy is always given, never grasped. God gives gifts and I give thanks and I unwrap the gift given: joy. (Page 57)

Good God! how often are we to die before we go quite off this stage? In every friend we lose a part of ourselves, and the best part.

Lord, help me to do great things as though they were little, since I do them with your power; And little things as though they were great, since I do them in your name!

We know of fishing vessels that carry up to twelve different flags on board, and they re-flag their ship at sea,.

It is not designed that the road should be made too smooth for us here upon earth.

To project your idea, you have to use new technology. It's not like the '70s or the '80s; you have an image that you project globally.

Make no mistake about it, magick is an art form, and every true magician is an artist.

An original sentence, a step forward, is worth more than all the censures.

Spiritual hunger and spiritual thirst But you got to change it On the inside first To be satisfied