I find you can often find humor just by turning something upside-down. Like a... small child.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

Believe in yourself and relief yourself of the undue anxiety of feelings of incompetency. Leave worry aside and live with the hope that your dominion is not determined by people’s negative opinions!

In all honesty, I grew up a certain way. I never had to worry about money... that was my reality.

As a director, I hoped that I was able to help the actors by giving them the space and the respect they need and the trust. I gave them what I always felt I needed when I was working.

Freedom isn't about having permission to do whatever we want... it's about having the courage to do whatever fills our life with meaning.

All farms are much alike everywhere, and all wild places have their own beauty.

Democrats are unified under the premise of total political annihilation.

Let us celebrate the spirit of sport through the National Games

Rich people manage their money well. Poor people mismanage their money well.

I feel as though we're living in a time where there is very little distinction paid between the personal and the professional.

The more chaos there is, the more science holds on to abstract systems of control, and the more chaos is engendered.