I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Poetry is the essence and evidence of life.

When I saw that show Lost I learned something. Other than one sort of big dude if you're in an airplane crash only models survive. So you know sit next to somebody pretty, but anyhow.

My biggest pet peeve is when a girl says, "I'm not into drama." Why are you even mentioning it?! That's dramatic in itself!

But if you listen to great piano players, both classical and jazz, theres a huge range of dynamics and colors and emotional expression thats possible with the instrument.

And when someone makes a statement you don't understand, don't tell him he's crazy. Ask him what he means.

I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.

The measure of artistic merit is the length to which a writer is willing to go in following his own compulsions.

The sage acts without taking credit. He accomplishes without dwelling on it. He does not want to display his worth.

In the museums, everything is in quotation marks.

No man in the world acts up to his own standard of right.