I found out that I'm a pretty bad father. I make a lot of mistakes and I don't know what I'm doing. But my kids love me. Go figure.

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.

The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It's a massive gift to be able to say you're not the most important person to yourself.

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

I have a lot of beliefs... and I live by none of them...

My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks standardized testing and common core!

When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Leave the dude alone and he'll figure it out.

Everything is amazing and nobody is happy

What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.

Rogerson, " I asked him sweetly as we sat watching a video in the pool house, "where would I find the pelagic zone?""In the open sea, " he said. "Now shut up and eat your Junior Mints.

O God gives us all grace.

The changeless is what knows the change, the changeless is unconditioned

I like making movies.

Take your bottom lip and pull it over your head.

Enforcement alone does not work. Unless we address the gap between our immigration laws and reality, illegal immigration will not stop and the situation on the border will continue to be chaotic.

Once you're on the wheel, you don't come off.

I love you, hugs & kisses, smoochies galore, licks, nibbles & assorted gropages!! -Aisling said to Drake

Chrysanthemums from gilded argosy Unload their gaudy senseless merchandise.

We come to the nations pretending to escape persecution, we the most deadly persecutors in all the wretched annals of man.