I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

If reason ruled the world would history even exist?

Love blinds me so deep and dark, I see the world full of innocence, thoughts filled with affection, time brimming with hope and future flowing with my dreams.

When you remembered to forget, you were remembering. It was when you forgot to forget that you forgot.

Everyday ask yourself the question "Do I want to experience Peace of Mind or do I want to experience Conflict ?"

People who are sensible about love are incapable of it.

You should be concerned about the state of your soul, not the state of your bank account.

If you take all your meals seriously, none of them gets a chance to matter.

When I meet thousands of fans of the comic - when I realize every one of them can recite the Lantern Corps oath ('In Brightest Day, in blackest night...') - I know how important this is to people.

Royal titles ceased to be recognised by the Indian government in 1971. The title of Nawab and Maharaja are not recognised by the Indian government anymore.

Prosperity in the form of wealth works exactly the same as everything else. You will see it coming into your life when you are unattached to needing it.