I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don't like to memorize words.

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

It seems to me that anyone whose library consists of a Kindle lying on a table is some sort of bloodless nerd.

Faith is an encounter in which God takes and keeps the initiative.

Rihanna is mysterious and fascinating

I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I'm not a smoker, I just really like certain songs.

It's important to be fit, but you shouldn't get too skinny. You need to have curves.

Purer colors... have in themselves, independently of the objects they serve to express, a significant action on the feelings of those who look at them.

Let him go, you filth! Let him go! You will not touch him again!

There is a form of communication that transcends the power of words.

Lord, with so much violence in Iraq, may we persevere in our prayer and generosity.

Violence against women isn't cultural, it's criminal. Equality cannot come eventually, it's something we must fight for now.