I get a couple cups of coffee into me and weird things just start to happen.

Every week when my batch of weekly cartoons would go to FedEx, it felt like a small miracle. Then in a few days, it's 'Here we go again.'

I don't believe in the concept of hell, but if I did I would think of it as filled with people who were cruel to animals.

By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect 'Hungry'.

You always hear a headline like this, 'Man Killed By Shark', you never hear it from the other perspective, 'Man Swims in Shark Infested Waters, Forgets He's Shark Food'.

The Bluebird of Happiness long absent from his life, Ned is visited by the Chicken of Depression.

It is a known fact that the sheep that give us steel wool have no natural enemies.

Great moments in science: Einstein discovers that time is actually money.

You should always leave the party 10 minutes before you actually do.

The picture's pretty bleak, gentlemen... The world's climates are changing, the mammals are taking over, and we all have a brain about the size of a walnut.

The fuel light's on, Frank! We're all going to die! Wait, wait... Oh, my mistake - that's the intercom light.

Like all fiction, my lies are just my efforts to be truer than the truth.

Ah, Harry, how often this happens, even between the best of friends! Each of us believes that what he has to say is much more important than anything the other might have to contribute!

Really, I'm a neurotic perfectionist. Every single word in the script is the one that I want.

The educated horse is a thinking horse, and it seems that he understands every now and then something happens that he must chalk up as a mistake and be done with it.

I want to grow up with my audience. I don't expect to be getting through to the younger pop crowd. I learned that from Paul Simon.

We need to not be in denial about what we've done, what we've come through. It will help us if we all do that.

Life with Christ is a wonderful adventure.

What happens when you get a big break and you haven't prepared yourself? That becomes the biggest mistake you've ever made. I see it happen all the time.

Every day I turned a 'you can't' into a 'you can.'

I definitely get a little antsy when I haven't had a good fix!