I get letters from people who say, 'What have you got against women?' What could I possibly have against women? I've married three of them.

I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.

It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.

There's no such thing as being too Southern.

The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.

Baptists never make love standing up. They're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing.

It's better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.

You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

The idiot who invented instant grits also thought of frozen fried chicken, and they ought to lock him up before he tries to freeze-dry collards.

This is just me. Get used to it.

If we were really tough on crime, we'd try to save our children from the desperation and deprivation that leave them primed for a life of crime.

-tomorrow is our permanent address and there they’ll scarcely find us(if they do, we’ll move away still further:into now

Put down me for a lifetime of success: give me credit, I'll find ways of paying.

All is well with him, who is beloved of his neighbours.

You don't even really need a place. But you feel like you're doing something. That is what coffee is. And that is one of the geniuses of the new coffee culture.

Most doctors are uncomfortable with medical conditions that have a psychological basis.

Is it hard to make a living in show business? Yeah.

Whether or not Afghanistan would be a peaceful nation-state had we not gone into Iraq I doubt. Afghanistan is going to be Afghanistan, no matter how hard we try to make it something else.

In Buddhism, we talk of meditation as an act of awakening, to be awake to the fact that the earth is in danger and living species are in danger.