I get my sense of humor from my parents. That's why they don't have one anymore.

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.

I go running when I have to. When the ice cream truck is doing sixty.

My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already.

My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money.

Is there a doctor in the house? My parents want me to marry you.

I just got my first bikini. It's a three-piece: a top, a botton, and a blindfold for you.

I went to the 30th reunion of my preschool. I didn't want to go, because I've put on like a hundred pounds.

I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because the water is cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know that?

My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.

I don't think I was funny until college. I lived with some Harvard MD/PhD students - they were so smart, and what I contributed to the house was, I was the funny one.

Treason is a matter of the date, Proctor

My mother gave me a sense of independence, a sense of total confidence that we could do whatever it was we set out to do. That's how we were raised.

Be where the world is going.

If your values are not used as the constitution of your organization, or if they are compromised, they become just words on paper.

Death is the most beautiful adventure in life.

They couldn't wait to get me out. My dad found my place, my mom helped me pack, and my brother was making architectural plans for my bedroom. It was just what you do at 18.

Let me, O let me bathe my soul in colours; let me swallow the sunset and drink the rainbow.

(American swimmer, 1972 Summer Olympics, on winning seven gold medals Inspirational) I swam my brains out.

I can't have a big breakfast or a big lunch because I get very lethargic, and then I get really cranky. I eat, but I have to eat small, healthful amounts of food.

Sometimes I think if I had to choose between an ear of corn or making love to a woman, I'd choose the corn.