I get some acting jobs. I like it other than the constant slipping in and out of character.

My wife and I want to try swapping. We want to go to one of those key parties where you put your keys in a bowl. But we just want to upgrade our car.

George Lopez does so much mugging, I'm surprised he's not up on charges.

People are trying so hard to become famous. Johnny Marbles, he tried to throw a pie in Rupert Murdoch's face. What do I gotta do, give Sumner Redstone a wedgie?

You know, civil rights is great and everything, but a lot of people don't realize that plumbers in the South make less money than when they used to install separate drinking fountains.

There's a lot of controversy online, some people say i'm a genius and other say i'm hugely talented.

Jewish people, we don't need the money. We're doctors and lawyers. It's the Christians who can't hold a steady job and have to go on TV and ask for money.

Tracy Morgan apologizes for his homophobic rant, still no apologies for the sketch about the guy living under the street.

I believe conspiracy theories are part of a larger conspiracy to distract us from the real conspiracy. String theory.

Some of my inventions didn't take off. I invented a url lengthener.

My cat's fully capable of speaking, but he says he's afraid of me turning it into a Kevin James vehicle.

You are going to love the sports here. Snow skiing and water-skiing and rock climbing and all kinds of extreme sports. I give you full permission to hurl yourself off stuff.

Just because you are happy it does not mean that the day is perfect but that you have looked beyond its imperfections

One might be led to suspect that there were all sorts of things going on in the Universe which he or she did not thoroughly understand.

You exist forever. You've always existed and you'll always exist. You move in and out of bodies like some people in Los Angeles move in and out of houses, every other week, every other lifetime.

An electron is real; a probability is not.

Working at Moschino has been great because I just have to deliver when I have to deliver.

I was concerned about doing a sequel and repeating myself. That was before I read the script.

Contemplation is the loving sense of this life, this presence and this eternity.

Learn to write the same way you learn to play golf. You do it and keep doing it until you get it right.

There is never much trouble in any family where the children hope someday to resemble their parents.