I go in for what is known in the trade as 'light writing' and those who do that - humorists they are sometimes called - are looked down upon by the intelligentsia and sneered at.

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.

It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine.

I always advise people never to give advice.

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.

It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people.

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.

sometime life Offer you "Outdated" to get "Updated" Just Take the Chance

The biggest power play in the world is understanding your own power and then unleashing it to reach your goals and follow your dreams.

The warning message we sent the Russians was a calculated ambiguity that would be clearly understood.

I don't go by what the law say. The law's liable to say anything. I go by if it's right or not. It don't matter what the law say. I take and look at it for myself.

Do less of what you're terrible at and more of what you're good at. I don't know if that sounds too simple, but it's been working for me.

I miss dating only for that final moment you kiss goodnight, watch her get out of your car and run into the police station.

I've never been a sunny personality. I've never been outgoing. I'm a solitary person.

The truth remains. I was, and am, disgusted with myself.

Interestingly, the oil companies know very well that in less than 30 years they will not only be charging very high prices, but that they will be uncompetitive with renewables.

Freud was one of the greatest influences on me. He made myth into psychiatry, and I've been trying to turn it back into myth again.