I go running when I have to. When the ice cream truck is doing sixty.

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.

My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already.

My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money.

Is there a doctor in the house? My parents want me to marry you.

I just got my first bikini. It's a three-piece: a top, a botton, and a blindfold for you.

I went to the 30th reunion of my preschool. I didn't want to go, because I've put on like a hundred pounds.

I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because the water is cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know that?

My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.

I don't think I was funny until college. I lived with some Harvard MD/PhD students - they were so smart, and what I contributed to the house was, I was the funny one.

I get my sense of humor from my parents. That's why they don't have one anymore.

Three essential keys (FAITH, HOPE and LOVE) will open the Heavens door.

Revive your inner spirit! Break free from all things weighing you down, grab hold of your strong rope and lift yourself out of hopelessness!

You will never win anyone through pity. You must create the right kind of dream, the sober, adult kind of magic: illusion born from disillusion.

Abortion is an attack on the family and the humanity that unites us all.

Fortunately we have a product for people who aren't able to get some form of connectivity, it's called Xbox 360.

Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?

We are human beings, and this is the part of our human nature, that we don't learn the importance of anything until it's snatched from our hands.

Facts interest me less than the trailing smoke of stories.

The love of freedom has been the quality of Western man.

Relief has its place. But what the people need is not relief, but release - release of their own potential for development.