I go the VA Hospital when I have a problem and the doctor jumps on me.

Because I am hard, you will not like me. But the more you hate me, the more you will learn. I am hard but I am fair.

There's a lot of whiners in every crowd.

Without discipline, there is no Marine Corp.

I was stationed at a Marine Corps Recruit Depot San Diego from 1965 to 1967.

I always love to come to Austin.

I firmly believe that you live and learn, and if you don't learn from past mistakes, then you need to be drug out and shot.

It's my firm conviction that when Uncle Sam calls, by God we go, and we do the best that we can.

Everybody respects the Vietnam Veterans of America.

I'm never, like I say, I'm never happy, I'm never satisfied, it's never good enough.

What is your major malfunction?

I'm late to everything. I've always wanted to have it written in my will that when I die, the coffin shows up a half hour late and says on the side, like in gold, 'Sorry I'm Late'.

...because it is the very nature of Imperialism to turn humans into beasts.

Minimization is what happens when we take the "world is flat" idea too far...and act as if people everywhere are the same (and thereby minimizing the differences).

Sometimes, in the dressing room, I think I am in Hollywood.

I'm brilliant as well as skilled," he said modestly. "It's a great burden, all of that on top of my angelic good looks. But I try to soldier on as best I can.

People need to write articles and they need to have angles in them and I'm grateful when people are doing articles, but I always say there's not a great mystery to stand-up comedy.

The producer is at the center of entertainment. The producer is being forgotten, and producers must seize the center of activity.

Life is very, very simple and easy to understand, but we complicate it with the beliefs and ideas that we create.

Fear is a feeling that is stronger than love.

my brain Worked with a dim and undetermined sense Of unknown modes of being; o'er my thoughts There hung a darkness, call it solitude Or blank desertion.