I got a Swede lawyer?!? She's gonna get everything!

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.

Being Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm was the best thing to happen to Larry David in life.

Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn’t need therapy.

I’d rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

Sometimes you have to wander a bit, and do what you don't want to in order to figure out what it is you're supposed to do.

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone

Feel not obliged to make good use of every ripe fruit on the vine.

Who are your heroes?" asked Jo."Grandfather and Napoleon.

I am just absolutely convinced that the best formula for giving us peace and preserving the American way of life is freedom, limited government, and minding our own business overseas.

Every American has the right to feel safe in their schools, in their churches, in their movie theaters, and in their nightclubs.

I need about three seats lengthwise to sleep on a plane. It's not easy for me to curl up.

Besides, isn't it more exciting when you don't have permission?

The one reality was this: He was home. How badly he wanted to stay.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

I think we have every reason to hope for the best but expect and prepare for the worst.

Light came to me when I realized that I did not have to consider any racial group as a whole. God made them duck by duck and that was the only way I could see them.