I got a gymnastics scholarship to college, fell in love with my true love of my whole life - who I'm married to now - and he was a virgin too. It was very romantic.

There's a communist living in the White House!

I think abortion is murder.

Because I hate fake people and I always think I'm never fake.

Maybe if I could ever be a successful comedian then I could be an example that Christians can also have fun.

That's pretty much why I went into show business because I wanted to have a guitar and sing unaccompanied, that was like my fantasy of the perfect life.

When you go on an audition it's very frightening.

Maybe entertainment is not supposed to be reality.

The bottom line of Hollywood is money.

I think the reason they cast me as the good girls is because they couldn't find any in Hollywood.

I cried when I heard Johnny Carson died.

The bottom line is, insults only hurt when they come from someone I respect.

Love is like a lost fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit.

You cannot change your destination overnight, but you can change your direction overnight.

Only the human mind invents categories and tries to force facts into separated pigeonholes.

duty, the most indecent of all obsessions, was only another name for love.

The minister's brain is often the "poor-box" of the church.

...spend my time warring and whoring, that's what I was made for.

For as this appalling ocean surrounds the verdant land, so in the soul of man there lies one insular Tahiti, full of peace and joy, but encompassed by all the horrors of the half known life.

He that serves God for Money, will serve the Devil for better Wages.

Ship me somewhere east of Suez, where the best is like the worst, Where there aren't no Ten Commandments an' a man can raisea thirst.