I got a hotel room at New York New York in Las Vegas and I was very happy. They've got that rollercoaster encircling the entire premises, just like Manhattan.

I want to rob a bank with a BB gun. "Give me all your money or I will give you a dimple! I will be rich, you will be cute. We both win."

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.

I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.

Spaghetti... I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1,000 of something is too many. I'll have 1,000 pieces of noodles.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

I dream like a dew drop in the nightThen glitter in the morning sunlightThen it evaporates to embrace the sky

No amount of wealth or power can ever make you a rich as a free man.

There is no adventure without risk, and no exhilaration like adventure.

The values, the programs, the formula, the determination, and the patriotism responsible for America's past success are still here to be tapped.

I'm 36, and sometimes I'm working so hard I don't realize how much I've gotten done.

There never was yet a people who must not have somebody or something to represent the dignity of the state.

The real key is time management and being able to focus on what you need to, on using every available minute to accomplish something that needs to be done.

Rudy Giuliani needed to feel safe because he turned his life into a public mess. A public mess that the "New York Tabloids" covered daily.

In the unrest of the masses I augur great good. It is by their realizing that their condition of life is not what it ought to be that vast improvements may be accomplished.

It's not fair to say that people who work with their head or with their hands ought to pay taxes, but people who earn their living with capital ought not to.