I got binoculars 'cause I don't want to go that close.

I want to rob a bank with a BB gun. "Give me all your money or I will give you a dimple! I will be rich, you will be cute. We both win."

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.

I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.

Spaghetti... I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1,000 of something is too many. I'll have 1,000 pieces of noodles.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

Poverty will not take you to heaven, just repent of it and get rich, then you'll trek into heaven like a king.

Never underestimate the value of advice from anyone, whether they are younger or older than you. Wisdom is not categorised under age

My path is about Joy.

I think we're doing pretty well. It's clear the media, of course, always gives you the bad news.

Does coaching work? Yes. Good coaches provide a truly important service. They tell you the truth when no one else will.

An additional concern of leadership is the caution that some members of the nation's stem- cell research community have raised about state investments in this new area of scientific research.

Your mother and I do not approve of drinking. Have you not heard of the Eighteenth Amendment?” “Prohibition? I drink to its health whenever I can.

You have to pay attention to details to have success in the playoffs. You can't take anyone lightly.

so I wait for you like a lonely house till you will see me again and live in me. Till then my windows ache.

It is not who you know it is what you know - If you don't know anything, you won't know anyone