I got born in the wrong family.

The only good reason for swimming, so far as I can see, is to escape drowning.

A sense of humor is regarded as a sign of mental health - apart from excessive punning, which is another matter entirely.

I am an idle devil. But at least I work at it.

There are few more frustrating things in life than being told something that you already know but cannot admit to knowing.

Machines are the opium of the masses. If all the machines in England were thrown into the North Sea tomorrow, we should be back in the Garden of Eden. And the weather would probably improve.

Hypocrisy in anything whatever may deceive the cleverest and most penetrating man, but the least wide-awake of children recognizes it, and is revolted by it, however ingeniously it may be disguised.

A home without a cat — and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat — may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title?

Prejudice is a vagrant opinion without visible means of support.

We all have some taste or other of too ancient a date to admit of our remembering that it was an acquired one.

Problems are evolutionary drivers.

E'er you remark another's sin, bid your own conscience look within.

Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation's compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.

I actually wanted to be an astronaut, but I don't have a mathematical brain.

Our plans never turn out as tasty as reality.

Our goal is not to win the war, we have already done it. Our goal is to find a just solution, and we are unanimous on the ways to find it.