I got disappointed in human nature as well and gave it up because I found it too much like my own.

When I die, I want to decompose in a barrel of porter and have it served in all the pubs in Dublin. I wonder would they know it was me?

On Being Old. It's not nice but take comfort that you won't stay that way for ever.

Writing is turning one's worst moments into money.

I'm starved for love. Not ordinary love but real love. The love that's like music or something.

Dear Mr Skully, I have caught my neck in a mangle and will be indisposed for eternity. Yours in death S.D.

Expect the worst and that's what you'll get only it will be much worse.

The purpose of writing is to make your mother and father drop dead with shame.

Revenge is what I want. Nothing but pure unadulterated revenge. But my mother brought me up to be a lady.

Rid the mind of knowledge when looking for pleasure. Or start thinking and find a lot of pain.

I'm all for Christianity, but insolence must be put down.

Each minute wasted with a shark is a missed opportunity to enjoy being with a Dolphin

We are rich only through what we give and poor only through what we refuse.

Mirthfulness is in the mind and you cannot get it out. It is just as good in its place as conscience or veneration.

I can't get through some movies without shedding a tear I can't lie.

Discontent is the seed of ethics.

I could probably say a lot of things, but I'm not sure they'd be fit for publication.

There is no doubt about precisely when folks began racing each other in automobiles. It was the day they built the second automobile.

I like to create what I call 'tablescapes.' It's so much more fun when you organize your table around a theme, don't you think?

I combined theatre and films with live TV, such as The Royal Variety Show, performing sketches opposite Bob Hope and Maurice Chevalier.

My politics are: I'm a trustbuster. Very focused. And yeah, I'm pro-efficiency. I want the most economic activity at the lowest price possible. It's good for everybody, it's not red or blue.