I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over, the cop looks at it [moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly], and says, "Here, you can go"

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

I knew that the Name was still with him, animating his soul, even as his body failed.

Playing a character is an illusion, and I feel that when you know too much about a person, possibly part of that illusion is disrupted.

A Great Movie Evolves when Everybody Has the Same Vision in Their Heads.

And telling you I care about you is a waste of time. I wouldn't have crossed the ocean, come out of hiding, tracked you down, if you didn't matter to me.

I loved eating and I did put on weight. I never actually felt fat until I started going for castings, for auditions.

I can do a really high-pitched cartoon voice. Everybody always say they like that.

Not everyone is your friend. When you are psychic you tend to forget that others don't view life the way you do.

For me, I've worked hard for people to think I'm funny.

I went out with people, but never anything too serious. It wasn't that easy. Now it's something I'm really looking forward to.

I'd share a pic if the digital camera battery wasn't as flat as 17th century Earth.