I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

Nature is a volume of which God is the author.

Ideas are the great warriors of the world, and a war that has no idea behind it, is simply a brutality.

Im sitting in a chair but in the future its a throne.

Pain is easy to write. In pain we're all happily individual. But what can one write about happiness?

When the fire goes out, you'll start feeling the cold. You'll wake up whether you want to or not.

Art's greatest efforts are invariably a timid counterfeit of Nature.

Good? No, that didn't go far enough. She'd made him feel… alive. Awakened.

No one can truly be prepared for such devastation and pure malevolence, but the United Kingdom can always look to the United States as an ally resolved to stand firm in the war on terrorism.

Happiness, I do not know where to turn to discover you on earth, in the air or the sky; yet I know you exist and are no futile dream.