I got sick of trying everything. I tried every single thing imaginable - diet, exercise. I even bought a house on the health spa property, and I still gained weight.

Larry the Cable Guy has everything: sleeveless shirts, stupid catchphrases. He's Mr. T without the acting chops.

I'm decorating my parents' house for Christmas... I hope they find my manger with a baby yeezus in it as funny as I do!

A lot of comics just joke around, but it's just as important to get the truth out there.

The thing is, in the dating profiles it says 'spiritual, ' but not with a specific religion. And so I pretty much try to meditate, but I have a very hard time concentrating on things other than me.

Don't get set into one form, adapt it and build your own, and let it grow, be like water.

We pay a heavy, very heavy price for the superhuman dignity of our calling. The ridiculous is always so near to the sublime. And the world, usually so indulgent to foibles, hates ours instinctively.

Between the beach and the big breaking waves about a quarter mile off was a stretch of bumpy, glistening reef, its usual blanket of water pulled back by a celestial hand.

Thou hast made him a little lower than the angels.

We've got no fairytale ending, in God's hands our fate is complete. Your heaven's here in my heart, our love's this dust beneath my feet.

Animals never worry about Heaven or Hell. Neither do I. Maybe that's why we get along.

He was breakfasting in the marketplace, and the bystanders gathered round him with cries of "dog." "It is you who are dogs," cried he, "when you stand round and watch me at my breakfast."

There were big geysers coming up where the shells were landing and there were bodies floating, face down, face up.

I'm not a fast reader. I like to linger over each sentence, enjoying the style. If I don't enjoy the writing, I stop.

If you enjoyed making a thing, and you’re proud of the thing you made, that’s enough. Not everyone is going to like it, and that’s okay.