I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

I do not know what to do with the emotions inside me. I do not know how to be this close to someone and still hold on to myself.

Having plans sounds like a good idea - until you have to put on clothes and leave your house.

Hate is the consequence of fear we fear something before we hate it a child who fears noises becomes a man who hates noise.

Put more trust in nobility of character than in an oath.

One of the ways in which I feel close to God is writing poetry.

I got more publicity for not doing a festival than for doing the festival.

It's odd how people waiting for you stand out far less clearly than people you are waiting for.

At times in my life, I have been utterly lonely. At other times, I've had disgusting infectious diseases. Try admitting these things in our culture.

The man form is higher than the angel form; of all forms it is the highest. Man is the highest being in creation, because he aspires to freedom.

Let it not be assumed that the artist is so smug as to dislike true criticism. No sincere artist was ever completely satisfied with his labour.