I gotta quit smoking, doctor's orders, and the drinking, court orders.

Pre-mature ejaculation. Let's talk about it. Premature ejaculation. That's a pretty fancy term for, "Ooooooh Oh no. This has never happened before."

My gym has two-pound weights. If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym? What's your dream? To pump up and open your mail?

Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people 'the cops.' But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!

Let's say you're in a situation where crystal meth can help you. Like, I don't know, you have too many teeth.

Remember when you're young and you think your dad is Superman? And then you grow up and realized he's just a drunk who wears a cape.

Don't get me wrong, I like to cuddle. But there is such a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so that they can't get away.

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.

Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas.

You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike.

You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you've had?

Grief—in all of its agony—burrowed deep into her essence, its serrated edges killing her piece by piece.

Listen, listen with your eyes, and your lips.Listen with your skin, and your blood.Can you hear us, at the edges?

I've dreamed about doing music since I was three or four years old.

But God knows, I don't want anyone but you. I don't even want to want anyone but you.

Don't care what people say. Don't give a damn about their laws.

My stuff is direct. Critics have compared my writing style with boxing all the way back to 1978 when my first book of essays appeared: it was compared to Muhammad Ali's style.

I feel weird when I go to the movies and everybody's faces are perfect.

There really was nothing like it at the time. We had good ideas for implementation, so we proceeded. I think it was an excellent solution to the reliability issues with existing search engines.

If the work requires smart, talented, creative people, then more than anything, you want to enable folks on the team to create.

Accents. I'm very good with accents. I'm exceedingly good.