I graduated from college and went on one job interview and was laughing in my own head because I wouldn't hire me.

Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.

Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.

I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.

I dated a teacher in high school. Yeah, it didn't make me cooler. And a lot of you are like 'that's cause you were homeschooled'.

Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.

The flat-brimmed cap is the modern day dunce cap.

They say money doesn't buy happiness. That phrase should end with 'just kidding'.

Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.

I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'

True friends don't send sms, they give a phone call.

I sit down at my desk pretty early in the morning and write all day until about 4 or 5 p.m.

There really is only one story that you need to tell as a scientist or a technologist. It's Prometheus stealing fire. That's it. That's what we do as scientists or technologists.

Passion is contagioius.

Silence is the language of inertia.

The type of work I like is pure and simple and profound.

Go and do the things you can't. That is how you get to do them.

I never let anybody get out of there a winner.

Of all the things that God has made, the human heart is the one which sheds the most light, alas! and the most darkness.

Our remedies oft in ourselves do lie, Which we ascribe to Heaven.