I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

You know, I put my little brother in the movies and he's still in the pictures. My mother makes me put him in the pictures.

Inspired questions will bring about inspired answers. Seek for the companionship of the Holy Ghost as you prepare.

Afghanistan is not like what's happening in Chicago. People are being shot left and right.

Friends, you and me... you brought another friend... and then there were three... we started our group... our circle of friends... and like that circle... there is no beginning or end.

I'm looking for parts that will challenge me comedically. I would love to be on a multicam sitcom one day, kind of like Friends. I love making people laugh and would like to continue to do so!

People say, 'Don't you get tired of people coming up to you all the time?' But what's wrong with strangers saying they love you?

A diamond is just a lump of coal that stuck to its job.

For hope is always born at the same time as love.

If anybody's out of touch in America, if there is this big divide and big disconnect, it's in the Democrat Party and the people of this country.

Donald Trump became seen as a credible businessperson with a real track record, even though that was at odds with reality.