I grew up in the suburbs. I'm an angry suburban nergo. I'm bad in, like, Starbucks. I'll hurt you over a frappuccino.

I don't like conservatives. They always talk about the good old days. I'm black, we have no good old days.

I like psycho chicks... Yeah, you hook up with a psycho, you're gonna learn something. First thing you learn is how to sleep with one eye open.

We had one idiot put a bomb in a shoe, and now everybody's got to take their shoes off? Where's the bra bomber at? I say, if we've gotta wait in line, let's make it fun for everybody.

A joke is either funny or it's not funny. If I hear a funny joke, you know what I do? I laugh, that's what I do. I don't start a focus group to see who got hurt by the joke.

I have fantasies of burning down an insurance company just so THEY have to make a claim.

I was on the highway - I saw the scariest thing in the world, man. I saw an Asian driving an SUV. Really, I just drove my car right into the guardrail, figured I'd save him some time.

I wish airplanes were more like elementary school with someone up front telling everyone to sit down and shut up.

Nothing good ever climbed up the side of a boat.

Every day theres something new. Something's going to destroy us all. Then it disappears.

Women like jewelry. They're like racoons: show them some shiny stuff and they'll follow you home.

Truth is so obscure in these times, and falsehood so established, that, unless we love the truth, we cannot know it.

Kindled the fire within you.

Time crawls when you are bored

What i like about photographs is that they capture a moment that’s gone forever, impossible to reproduce.

I've never really wanted to go to Japan, simply because I don't like eating fish and I know that's very popular out there in Africa.

The sooner you step away from your comfort zone, the sooner you'll realize that it wasn't really all that comfortable.

Falling in love is like death... they are both facts

Do not wait for ideal circumstances, nor the best opportunities; they will never come.

Did you know I have always suspected that men were idiots," Daphne ground out, "but I was never positive until today.

I technically have two last names, which is a lot of fun when you're making airline reservations.