I grew up watching all these crazy movies, European movies and stuff, and I guess that I always laughed at things that were a little more offbeat.

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.

The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It's a massive gift to be able to say you're not the most important person to yourself.

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

I have a lot of beliefs... and I live by none of them...

My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks standardized testing and common core!

When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Leave the dude alone and he'll figure it out.

Everything is amazing and nobody is happy

What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.

What is inside of you is where your wealth is and where your treasures comes from

My mom was a teacher - I have the greatest respect for the profession - we need great teachers - not poor or mediocre ones.

In the end, the Labour party could cease to represent labour. Stranger historic ironies have happened than that.

If there is one thing to get excited about, it's your ability to turn the negative into success.

It was pretty obvious Lena wanted to be asked. Another mysterious thing about girls- they want to be asked to stuff even if they don't want to go.

Mama seemed to do only what my father wanted, and yet we lived the way my mother wanted us to live.

Anyone who has kids knows that children like to be around chickens, goats, whatever. My kid loves to go out and feed the chickens and collect the eggs. It's a nice way of living.

I love the live cut part of making records the surprises are the prizes.

This time it had been magic. And it didn't stop being magic just because you found out how it was done.

Who we are is the part of us that is infinite, the part of us that never stops.