I grew up watching stand-ups and thought it was so entertaining and unique - you didn’t see that as a job description anywhere.

A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers.

I have a wandering eye and a lazy eye so they cancel each other out. It's a push.

Breaking News: Winds so strong in NYC The Statue of Liberty's gown just blew off!

I think the education system is great just the way it is. There's kids in my neighborhood in Los Angeles, seven years old, that can already speak fluent Spanish.

If people can't deal with their problems, they numb themselves a little bit.

I became a vegetarian after I became aware of factory farming and slaughterhouses and the torture and inhumane handling of all these animals.

Every homeless puppy and kitten was born to parents who weren't spayed or neutered. I'm proud to support PETA's work to prevent animal homelessness.

You don't have to swim faster than the shark, just faster than the person you're with.

I'm on a strict running program. I started yesterday. I've only missed one day so far.

Never wear a red t-shirt to Target. I enjoy helping people, but not every two minutes.

I kind of want to see Mara Crucio their asses.

You cannot feed the hungry on statistics.

Girl trouble, for me, is when you fall in love.

The novel avoids the sublime and seeks out the interesting.

I know sanctification comes not with any particular calling, but with genuine acts of service, often for which there is no specific calling.

If you do not speak up when it matters, when would it matter that you speak? The opposite of courage is conformity. Even a dead fish can go with the flow.

When time is flown, how it fled It is better neither to ask nor tell, Leave the dead moments to bury their dead.

By the 1990s, longevity will be so improved that 150 years will be no unusual age to reach.

In all works of liberality something more is to be considered besides the occasion of the givers; and that is the occasion of the receivers.

My friends and I have been coddled long enough by a billionaire-friendly Congress.