I grow as many of our vegetables as I can, because my granddad was a professional gardener, and it's in the blood.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

But you said so yourself, the poor lass will die of it...Do you really want her to die?'Yes, I'd rather she died than have a bad life.

Life versus Death becomes, as Montaigne pointed out, Old Age versus Death.

I think at a child's birth if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift that gift should be curiosity.

The crucial discovery was made that, in order to become painting, the universe seen by the artist had to become a private one created by himself.

Always roll up the sleeves on your shirt. It gives the impression that you're working, even if you're not.

And every job that I had was a stepping stone to my next job and I never quit my job until I had my next job. And so opportunities look a lot like work.

Whether people grow fat by joking, or whether there is something in fat itself which predisposes to a joke, I have never been quite able to determine.

The determinations of Providence are always wise, often inscrutable; and, though its decrees appear to bear hard upon us at times, is nevertheless meant for gracious purposes.

Anybody who speeds thinks they can outsmart the cops.

Romance, in its earliest surviving form, was called ‘erotika pathemata’ by the Greeks - tales of erotic suffering.