I guess I am handsome - in certain parts of the world. If I was, like, in Mongolia, living on a mountain and in my village, I could be the hottest guy. In L.A., I'm ... average?

Texas is the crossroads of the world. Everything here is big.

I'm one of those people that will walk into a bar, and if I wasn't a comic - because some people know who I am - I would just blend in.

People think I am crazy because they see me doing stand-up, but I am generally not. I am very sad. I'm one of those guys that lights candles and listens to Rachmaninoff.

It's not that comedy has changed in terms of what's funny. For me, it's changed in that sometimes I don't feel my finger is on the pulse.

As I get older, I don't think the world is becoming that funny. Comedy is changing a bit.

With Bitcoin hard-coded to be limited, it’s like a collectible.

I think people just think I am crazy because they see me doing stand-up, but I am generally not. I am very sad. I'm one of those guys that lights candles and listens to Rachmaninoff.

Meanings are not determined by situations, but we determine ourselves by the meanings we give to situations.

What relationships need strengthening in your life? Don’t wait for them to grow cold or bitter, but ask God to help you strengthen them by putting God’s love into action—begin today.

Sentiments that glorify humanity know no racial distinction.

I'm drinking lots of herbal tea.

I won't be satisfied until I've put the entire security industry out of work.

Producing is a thankless task akin to hotel management. Unfortunately there are not too many good hotel managers.

... but that's what mankind is like: they only prize what they no longer possess.

They change. They're different. There are no two alike, that's the miracle of it. But if they have something to teach the students. You can see them writing during the show.

On the road, in my bunk, I sleep better than I do anywhere else in the world.

I like spaghetti because you don't have to take your eyes off the book to pick about among it, it's all the same.