I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half-empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.

Blood may be thicker than water, but it is still sticky, unpleasant and generally nauseating.

To me, there is no greater act of courage than being the one who kisses first.

Men are allowed to age. Men are allowed to gain weight. Men are allowed to be quirky looking.

It’s mentally exhausting, feeling bad about something you can do nothing about.

Taking into account the public's regrettable lack of taste, it is incumbent upon you not to fit in.

When I see the American flag, I go, 'Oh my God, you're insulting me.'

The world would be better off with multiple superpowers. When Communist USSR was a superpower, the world was better off.

This dress exacerbates the genetic betrayal that is my legacy.

I can't wait for the next fad though, and I predict it's going to be Pennsylvania dutch culture, very Amish. It's going to be bonnets and butter churns.

Red flag of the eating disorder: the muffin. Keep your eye on the ladies with the muffins... and sometimes I'll just eat the muffin top.

I have not failed. I have just found 10, 000 ways it will NOT work.

A book lying idle on a shelf is wasted ammunition.

In this ocean of time, life is smaller than a drop of water. To create an impact, create a massive wave with the power of your infinite love.

Consider your body and mind as a machine that runs a program

How you behave in one place, will help in surprising ways later.

Dialogue is character and character is plot.

The comedy I like the best is comedy I can't do, stuff that doesn't touch my arena.

Love is the Answer. What was the Question?

It is easier to manufacture seven facts out of whole cloth than one emotion.

The Cross is the ultimate evidence that there is no length the love of God will refuse to go in effecting reconciliation.