I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things.

Blood may be thicker than water, but it is still sticky, unpleasant and generally nauseating.

To me, there is no greater act of courage than being the one who kisses first.

I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half-empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.

Men are allowed to age. Men are allowed to gain weight. Men are allowed to be quirky looking.

It’s mentally exhausting, feeling bad about something you can do nothing about.

Taking into account the public's regrettable lack of taste, it is incumbent upon you not to fit in.

When I see the American flag, I go, 'Oh my God, you're insulting me.'

The world would be better off with multiple superpowers. When Communist USSR was a superpower, the world was better off.

This dress exacerbates the genetic betrayal that is my legacy.

I can't wait for the next fad though, and I predict it's going to be Pennsylvania dutch culture, very Amish. It's going to be bonnets and butter churns.

An intelligence test sometimes shows a man how smart he would have been not to have taken it.

Without love life will be a flower garden without flowers.

Suspense doesn’t always have to be about physical danger. Making the reader worry is a universal concept that can be applied to any story.

His lies were so exquisite I almost wept.

A conclusion is a place where you got tired of thinking.

Everybody wants to go see the big hit [at the theatre]. Not because it's any good. Because it's the big hit and everybody wants to be able to talk about the big hit.

Be modest in speech, but excel in action.

We're, ah, taking a break to evaluate things, and, um, reexamine our relationship, so I stuffed him in a closet!" I burst out in shame. Timmie's eyes goggled. Is he still there?

The multitude of fools is a protection to the wise.

Money, amazingly, is losing its power... Our economy is rapidly changing from a money economy to a satisfaction economy.