I guess in general, people tend to not eat the cute animals.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping.

I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.

My fashion philosophy is, if you're not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.

Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.

You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport.

It doesn't bother me that I'm not a household word on the East Coast. Baton Rouge, Raleigh, Minneapolis - I'm so popular in these cities where you've never imagined an East Coast comedian working.

But there are a few people in your life who become so much a part of you that it feels like you're missing a limb when they're gone.

In an apostolic network the person in charge of maintaining the DNA of the network is the lead apostle, who consults with those he or she chooses, and no one else.

The will to power can express itself only against resistances; it seeks that which resists it--this is the native tendency of theamoeba when it extends its pseudopodia and gropes around.

The Christian never works toward victory, he always works FROM victory.

You can't have a world where 50 percent of the people are dieting and 50 percent of the people are starving if you want stability.

Those will soon come to make nothing of God that will not be content to make him their all.

But I'm too old to be written about as a young poet.

Once GNU is written, everyone will be able to obtain good system software free, just like air.

Communism is fascism with a human face.

Lyrically I'm supposed to represent, I'm not only the client, I'm the player president