I guessed my mother figured if my father got right down to the task of eating he wouldn’t be so inclined to jump up and strangle my grandmother.

You're a marshmallow. Soft and sweet and when you get heated up you go all gooey and delicious."-

I shot that sucker right in the gumpy." Grandma Mazur

The 'Barnaby' books were always intended to be graphic novels.

I'm done with men. I have a hamster. That's all I need.

When I was six years old I sprinkled sugar on my head, convinced myself it was pixie dust, wished myself invisible, and walked into the boys' bathroom at school.

My Spanish is limited to burrito and taco.

Calories don’t count if they’re connected to a celebration. Everyone knows this.

-You're gloating, Max. It's not flattering. Somebody needs to teach you a little humility.- -A good woman could do that.- -She'd have to be armed and dangerous.-

Its always nice to have a stud muffin at the table.

Only men you can count on these days are Ben and Jerry.

The best punishment for an enemy is forgiveness.

Listening to intuition is similar to watching wind wiggle a pond. Allow the ripples to move you where you need to be.

With each sunrise we start anew.

I could never date a guy with a pet snake.

The more one thinks, the more one feels the hopeless immensity of man's ignorance.

I ain't askin' nobody for nuttin' if I cain't get it on my own.

The hope is that if we can increase youthfulness, we can postpone age-related diseases.

To marry for love were no reproachful thing if we did not see that of ten thousand couples that do it, hardly one can be brought for an example that it may be done and not repented afterwards.

Nothing makes an actor feel freer and more inventive and more creative than being trusted.

There is always a perfectly good excuse, always a reason not to. The hardest freedom to win is the freedom from one's excuses.