I had a dog that was so lazy, he had a prerecorded bark.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

Showing off is more ridiculous in instances where the thing that is being shown off was bought on credit.

Concentrate all your thoughts upon the work in hand. The Sun's rays do not burn until brought to a focus

When she saw a shooting star streak overhead, she asked her beloved what he wished for, and he said he only wished to sit there with her for as long as forever.

Everybody must be given the opportunity for self liberation and development.

Say a day without the ever.

Between the mouth and the morsel many things may happen.

It is not hard to change when your biggest problem is whether the weeds prosper in a vegetable patch.

There are only two things. Truth and lies. Truth is indivisible, hence it cannot recognize itself; anyone who wants to recognize it has to be a lie.

I can inspire people on how to use money, how to get economically powerful.

In the pit of red You hid from the bone-clinic whiteness But the jewel you lost was blue.