I had a real passion for performing. I craved the attention. I was a goofy kid just like I am a goofy adult. So as soon as I got the bug of getting laughs and getting on stage I just couldn't stop.

Everyone knows that senior citizens are stupid

I considered myself a professional comedian because the club would pay me $20.

I tend to sit around with my friends a lot and rant and rave about things I think are ridiculous in the world, and I tend to make fun of myself a lot.

I tend to find comedy in dark places. I also tend to find comedy in taking on the status quo - which has always been something I find important.

We all borrow and steal and copy from each other, and that's the way I think people get inspired.

I'm no more a lawbreaker than they are , and if they were lawbreakers for keeping God's commandments, they're my example.

Whenever I do something I tend to focus on it and spend all of my time and energy on it.

I think I always enjoyed the energy of a crowd, of being onstage. It started when I was even younger doing public speaking at school and just kept going from there.

It's hard to have any moral authority over a group of drunken college students when you have never had a beer and never been laid.

It's such a huge endeavor putting a full movie together, especially an independent movie. I tend to kind of do them when they come my way more than something than I go out and actively pursue.

Nothing is lost. . .Everything is transformed.

Fear imprisons faith liberates fear paralyzes faith empowers fear disheartens faith encourages fear sickens faith heals fear makes useless faith makes serviceable.

Poetry and novels are lists of our devotions. We love the feel of making the marks as the feelings are rising and falling.

When someone comes along who genuinely thanks us, we will follow that person a very long way.

The risk it takes to remain tight inside the bud is more painful than the risk it takes to blossom. We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.

The greatness of Ty Cobb was something that had to be seen, and to see him was to remember him forever.

A writer doesn't write for his readers, does he? Yet he has to take elementary precautions all the same, to make them comfortable.

Whether conservative or liberal, fundamentalist or agnostic, the more students learn of biology, the more they accept evolution.

We are mad, not only individually, but nationally. We check manslaughter and isolated murders; but what of war and the much-vaunted crime of slaughtering whole peoples?

Doctors removed my gallbladder and pancreas, which are supposed to break down sugar and alcohol.