I had a very close relationship with another kid when I was growing up. I was his imaginary friend.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

It's only through sheer force and luck that she's yet to take over the world.

Anywhere in the world, if you see a law which is protecting the rapists, you must know that this law has been prepared by the rapists!

It often happens that less depends upon the valor of an army than the skill of the leader.

Christianity is Platonism for the people.

It keeps me in touch with younger musicians who are constantly saying, 'Have you heard this new artist, or this new guitar player?' It keeps you reaching.

The bad things don't seem to happen to bad people.' That's because they already did. There's no original evil left in the world.

I feel that my fans have cultivated my talent and they continue to nurture me.

grow old with me. the best is yet to be. the last of life for which the first was made.

Give your attention to the experience of seeing rather than to the object seen and you will find yourself everywhere.

I bear a burden that might well try Men that do all by rule, And what can I That am a wandering-witted fool But pray to God that He ease My great responsibilities?