I had an Aston Martin phone worth ?15,000 given to me as a present. I dropped it in a gin and tonic about 15 seconds after opening it.

If I see another David Gold interview on the poor East End Jewish boy done good I'll impale myself on one of his dildos.

Agents are nasty scum. They're evil and divisive and pointless. They only survive because the rest of the sport is so corrupt and because leading football club people employ their sons in the job.

I'm not going to drag it out or make a point, because points are pointless.

In retrospect, of course I regret calling them (Charlton fans) morons. Imbeciles would have been more appropriate.

What does Everton chairman Bill Kenwright think he will get for £6m? Andy Johnson's trainers?

I'm no respecter of tradition and I have no time for the Manchester Uniteds and Arsenals of this world. There's nothing to admire in these clubs. They're just bullshit worlds full of bullshit people.

Even if I built a 50,000-seater stadium and bought Ronaldinho, there'd still be complaints about crap hotdogs.

Andrew is an integral part of the team and he is staying at my football club. The reality is I need him to score the goals that will get us promoted.

The story Grandpa told us helped me realize that people cannot be divided into groups by ethnicity, religion, or any other feature, only into groups of good, bad, and indifferent people.

The Spirit calls..!

Humour is the most engaging cowardice. With it myself I have been able to hold some of my enemy in play far out of gunshot.

Respect yourself if you would have others respect you.

So long as a man-of-war exists, it must ever remain a picture of much that is tyrannical and repelling in human nature.

Presidents often disappoint, but first ladies rarely do.

In the great undertakings, there is glory, even in failure.

If those of us in positions of responsibility fail to do everything in our power to protect the right of privacy, we risk something far more valuable than money. We risk our way of life.

I never regret my past... Only time I wasted was on the wrong people.

Piss off Satan and don't take me for dumber than I look.