I had heard about Cheers, of course, but I never watched it. So I watched two episodes, and I was like, "Oh my God. This is really good."

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

Money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.

I would just like to say that after all these years of heavy drinking, bright lights and late nights, I still don't need glasses. I drink right out of the bottle.

If you subtracted all of the great artists who never drank, who never went to excess, you wouldn't have any more art left. What kind of poem are you gonna get out of a glass of iced tea?

The perfect woman has an IQ of 150, wants to make love until 4 in the morning, then turns into a pizza!

When I die, sprinkle my ashes over the 80's.

I'm not conceited. Conceit is a fault and I have no faults.

Remember, life is just a game and no one gets out alive

If you want to split a bottle with a friend, then Sammy Hagar is your guy. If you want to split your friend with a bottle than give me a call.

If you put a Van Halen album in your record collection, it will melt all the rest of your records.

It is like we are having a harvest of destruction in our society due to ignorance.

Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.

I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is a disgrace, that two become a lawfirm, and that three or more become a congress. -John Adams

There are those who have nothing chaste but their ears and nothing virtuous but their tongues.

Anybody that's been through a divorce, and I hope it's something people never have to experience, it's the worse thing in the world.

Of the three official objects of our prison system: vengeance, deterrence, and reformation of the criminal, only one is achieved; and that is the one which is nakedly abominable.

The beauty comes with the balance. Everyone should find his own balance in his personal as well as his professional life. Once you do so, you will feel and look beautiful

I found the right man, got married, and just had to keep not reinventing myself, just deciding that it doesn't matter what you are if you are a good person.

A graceful taunt is worth a thousand insults.

Laughter means sympathy.