I had lunch with a chess champion the other day. I knew he was a chess champion because it took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.

I'm proud of being a vaudevillian, the last of my line. A lot of people think my entertainment is candy-floss. Well, entertainment is too aggressive these days, all 'in your face.'

I asked my publisher what would happen if he sold all the copies of my book he'd printed. He said 'I'll just print another ten'.

Being deaf and partially blind means I don't really watch TV. I wouldn't know what to do with a remote control.

I asked my publisher what would happen if he sold all the copies of my book he'd printed. He said "I'll just print another ten.

You cannot fix a problem that you refuse to acknowledge.

After you clean your subconscious, you can insert new beliefs into your mind otherwise your old beliefs can sabotage the new ones.

Melancholy is the happiness of being sad.

A lie which is half a truth is ever the blackest of lies.

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

You have to be a minor superhero just to get to be a dignified man, and that's kind of exacerbated for men of color.

The importance of prayer rises in proportion to the importance of the things we should give up in order to pray

I hate feeling too complacent when I write. I like to be solving new problems.

I just hope when my body goes, or when my mind does, I have the guts to end it the way Hemingway did. I don't want anybody wiping drool off my chin.

There is no way of telling people that they are all walking around shining like the sun.