I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.

I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

He who suffers wins in politics. The martyr does not obtain the victory personally, but his group, his successors, win in the long run.

The greatest joys are found not only in what we do and feel, but also in what we hope for.

Look deep deep into nature and then you will understand everything better.

Even a chameleon needs the proper amount of suction.

Kids do better, frankly [when the economy is strong]. Jobs make great years for kids.

In the old days drivers were fat and tires were skinny.

I have lost faith in universal panaceas - work is the one thing in which I really believe.

I'd like, each time out as a writer, to reinvent who I am and what I'm doing. That's one of the great pleasures and rewards of the occupation.

Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.

Every change is being forced upon us.