I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I'll never get to do that.

Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.

You don't cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.

If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you'll have a good life.

Don’t do your best, do my best.

I feel like I'm a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.

Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.

No one is depressed when they're being chased by a bear.

I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. You can do as much time as you like without having to pause for commercials.

You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.

If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?

Because no one is walking in your shoes, only you feel the sores on your feet.

The happiest moment i've ever felt was that moment when i discovered my ability to create.

We must have a virile, dynamic, aggressive Christian who lives Christ seven days a week, who is ready to die, if necessary, for his faith.

My modus operandi is that I'll be content with anything, as long as I know that it's the best that's possible.

You can't ride the chairlift and call yourself Edmund Hillary.

A squat cannot be performed on a Smith machine any more than it can be performed in a small closet with a hamster.

It's a little premature to be claiming that this is a done deal, but certainly Rex Tillerson is American icon and businessman that I think is a pretty incredible guy.

Satisfied is no test of truth. Actuality is steadily far from idiosyncratic secure.

When I was 17, I was always hanging out with the older kids, and a lot of times, the kids that graduated would come back and play pranks. I was a huge, huge, huge prankster.

After all, it is the divinity within that makes the divinity without.