I hate Danny Kaye movies.

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you.

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.

Censorship feeds the dirty mind more than the four-letter word itself.

It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.

I don't see the future as bright, language-wise. I see it as a glass half empty - and evaporating quickly.

I eat at this German-Chinese restaurant and the food is delicious. The only problem is that an hour later you're hungry for power.

I don't feel old. I feel like a young man that has something wrong with him.

Obviously those who burn to be professional jesters mean that they want to be successful comedians. And those are always an elite, microscopic portion of the population. But oh, how they try.

My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew's and Albert Einstein's.

He knew she loved him in that moment. Gabe never wanted to be part of the holy fight, but now he was, he was not about to lose.

When a situation gets so bad that no solution seems possible there is left only murder and suicide, or both. These failing, one becomes a buffoon.

I want to be like Tom Cruise from 'The Outsiders' and go on and do amazing movies for a long time.

You've just got to give yourself time - that's good advice I think. Give yourself time to figure out what you're good at and what you're not good at.

The unnatural, that too is natural.

Captain Fisher, the commander, with a party of young ladies from the city and gentlemen belonging to his ship, came one day to pay me a visit in the midst of a deluge of rain.

I also want to announce that I'm changing my name. I haven't told anyone. You get the scoop.

Happiness is so awfully complicated, but freedom isn't. You're either tied down or you're not.

Where there is true art and genuine virtuosity the artist can paint an incomparable masterpiece without leaving even a trace of his identity.

We saw a hole in the Chicago poetry scene that slam couldn't fill. I think a lot more can be done with the form than just competition.